Hallelujah
by WhiteLunaNight
Summary: Your baby was crying again.


Hallelujah

Your baby was crying again. She never slept the entire night, not since you got her back. You knew it would be a long time before she even did, but you hoped that as she grew, she would forget. You hoped.

You got out of bed and headed for her nursery. She was whimpering in her sleep when you got there, letting out small cries in between. You had cried the first time you saw her like that. She wasn't the bubbly little girl that she was before she was taken but you knew it wouldn't be like that. You just hoped that someday that she would forget.

You picked her up from her crib and let her head rest on your shoulder. She was awake now and had started crying from her nightmare. You rubbed her back and started walking around the room. You spoke to her and made soothing noises to her in quiet tones. The first few times this had happened you had tried everything: changing her diapers, feeding her a bottle, burping, but nothing worked. You realized that your presence calmed her down.

Her crying stopped after a few minutes but a whimper made it past her tiny lips every so often. You knew not to stop. Sometimes you held her and rocked her till the morning rays hit her curtains. You never minded, not if it meant she could sleep. You closed her eyes and stood in one spot, swaying from side to side. You hummed under your breath, you didn't know what, but it sounded like an old lullaby. You weren't surprised when you felt his arms wrap around you from behind, swaying with you. He rested his chin on your other shoulder and stared humming along with you. You identified the song then. You had forgotten it until now. It was one of your favourites for a long time. You didn't know how you could have forgotten it. It was bittersweet and it represented the moment perfectly. You started to softly.

_Well I've heard there was a secret chord__  
__That David played and it pleased the Lord__  
__But you don't really care for music, do you?__  
__Well it goes like this:__  
__The fourth, the fifth, the minor fall and the major lift__  
__The baffled king composing Hallelujah_

The whimpering stopped completely, sniffles taking their place. You could tell she was listening to the notes, trying to concentrate on anything else that wasn't the nightmare. With your eyes still closed, you turned around so she was sandwiched between you and him. He had his arms loosely around your waist. He had stopped humming by now.

_Hallelujah__  
__Hallelujah__  
__Hallelujah__  
__Hallelujah _

His arms around you tightened. You rested your head on his collarbone, your hair cascading around your face. With your closed eyes you could feel tiny hands starting to play with the strands. She got tired of them and rested her hand against your eyelid. You smiled.

_Well your faith was strong but you needed proof__  
__You saw her bathing on the roof__  
__Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew ya__  
__She tied you to her kitchen chair__  
__And she broke your throne and she cut your hair__  
__And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah_

You were whispering the lyrics, so only the three of you could hear it. Nobody else needed to know about this moment shared between your family. Your precious, tiny family.

_Hallelujah__  
__Hallelujah__  
__Hallelujah__  
__Hallelujah_

You would do anything for them. And he would do anything for you and the baby, you knew that.

You were still whispering the words to the song.

_But baby I've been here before__  
__I've seen this room and I've walked this floor__  
__You know, I used to live alone before I knew ya__  
__And I've seen your flag on the marble arch__  
__And love is not a victory march__  
__It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah_

You lifted your head from his collarbone and came to rest it on his shoulder, your eyes still closed. The two of you were swaying, lulling your baby. She was already sleeping but you knew she would wake up if you stopped. She would be fully asleep by the end of the song and you would be alone again.

_Hallelujah__  
__Hallelujah__  
__Hallelujah__  
__Hallelujah_

The song might not be the most appropriate song for a baby but every night, when she needed something to comfort her, this always seemed to do the trick. You could feel yourself nearing the end of the song. The arms around you would be gone and it would be just you and the baby. She would sleep in you arms and you would stay awake till the morning rays, thinking about all that could have been.

_Well there was a time when you let me know__  
__What's really going on below__  
__But now you never show that to me do ya__  
__But remember when I moved in you__  
__And the holy dove was moving too__  
__And every breath we drew was Hallelujah_

His arms were wrapped loosely around you. You wrapped one of your arms around him, clinging onto him willing him not to go, to not leave.

_Hallelujah__  
__Hallelujah__  
__Hallelujah__  
__Hallelujah_

You could feel tears welling up behind your eyelids, but you didn't dare open your eyes, afraid that he would leave. You kept up singing.

_Maybe there's a God above _

_But all I've ever learned from love_

_Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya_

_And it's not a cry that you hear at night_

_It's not somebody who's seen the light_

_It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah_

"It's time for me to go" He whispered. You shook your head vehemently. The baby was asleep by this point, but you were careful not to disturb her. "I won't ever be far. I'll always be near to you and our little one." You were quietly sobbing, air tearing its way down you throat and back out again. You didn't feel his arms around you again and you ripped open your eyes but he was nowhere to be seen. You closed your eyes, willing him to come back, tears finally streaming down your face but you made sure none came down on your daughter.

_Hallelujah__  
__Hallelujah__  
__Hallelujah__  
__Hallelujah__  
__Hallelujah__  
__Hallelujah__  
__Hallelujah__  
__Hallelujah__  
__Hallelujah__  
__Hallelujah__  
__Hallelujah__  
__Hallelujah_

The illusion would be back tomorrow night, you knew that. What you didn't know was if they were real. It felt real, but at these times you didn't trust your mind. You hoped they were illusion of his. Those thoughts filled you with hope that maybe he was out there, hiding, taking care of you both in any way he could. With your eyes now open, you made your way to the rocking chair right beside the window.

You would make it through the day. The baby would sleep until later and you would have a cup of tea. Earl Grey, your favourite. You would have time for a short shower and dress before she would wake up. Then you would feed her and get her dressed and move on with your day. You would not cry, you would not think about the oncoming night, you would not think about her nightmares or her time away from you. You would be a normal mother with her precious daughter.

You would cry when the night came. You would think about her nightmares then. You would think about her time away when you were in bed, trying to fall asleep. You would only think about him when the night came. Never before, never later.

_Hallelujah…_


End file.
